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This question girls and guys often ask each other. But does it really matter? Some believe if the two partners love each other, love will conquer all. Some say most relationships are difficult enough as it is, why add age difference into the mix? BASHIR BELLO & RACHEAL ALADI OLIGO confronted the question when a colleague narrated his experience during a visit to a lady he was dating.

It is said that women who generally date younger men are labeled “cougars”, just as a young woman in a relationship with an older man may be labeled either as guys-naïve or a gold digger. Here are the views of some married men, women and spinsters:

Oke Thomas Olushola is about to get married. He is a graduate of Mass Communication, Kaduna Polytechnic. “In his opinion, he said age matters in any relationship. “First and foremost, it is good we basically understand what a relationship is all about. Relationship is a union or a rapport between two people usually of the same sex or different sex. In this context, I think it is simply between a man and a lady. For us to achieve the aim of any relationship, I think it is good we put the subject of age into context. Now, age comes especially when it has to do with our ability to understand ourselves, which means mutual understanding. It is my own belief though it is subject to contradiction by any body that age matters in the sense that a relationship with someone which is of equal age will definitely not achieve the objective. But when your relationship is some way, maybe you are a little bit older than the lady your exposure and your maturity comes to be especially if the other party involved in the relationship is behaving otherwise. This can be counted as if your relationship is not based on the foundation of fear. Definitely, you will believe after all what will he show me, what will he tell me? and so on. Now, age could also be looked at from educational angle. Probably the male gender this time around is of a higher educational status compared to the female. This could go a long way in pushing her in her chosen career. If she is of equal educational status with her male friend, then who corrects who? I think if a male counterpart is ahead of the female in a relationship, the guy can correct her easily especially when she is moving off the track in her academic pursuit.

Similarly, we can look at age from dealing with problematic situations. Just as they say experience is the best teacher. You don’t expect a 15-year old child to handle a critical issue that has to do with our psyche like the way a 20-year old person will handle same. So based on these examples, I think age really matters in a relationship especially as it has a way of polishing or moulding the future of such relationship. So, in my own opinion and from my own experience, I want to put up a strong argument that age matters in the success of any relationship.”

Sunday Haro is married. He is a rehabilitation counselor, guidance and counseling expert. “Age, of course, depends on the sex, either the male is older than the female or the female is older. It also depends on the age gap. Either two years interval, or 10 years interval, it varies. If a man is in a relationship and he discovers that the lady he’s moving with is two years older than him, to me it doesn’t matter. Even if he discovers that she is older with five years, it also doesn’t matter. But if it is from six years and above it is not very convenient because if a woman is older with an age interval that is high the male will not be able to conveniently assume his responsibility as the husband. Then, if a woman in a relation is older than a male for just two (2) years, there is no difference or permit me to say the gap is not much. Only that if the age interval is from five (5) years and above, it matters a lot because you will not have the boldness to assume your responsibility as a man. But if on the other hand a man seniors his wife with two, three or even 10 years it doesn’t matter because anything about marriage has some responsibilities or certain role each and everyone involved in the relationship must have to play. If, for instance, I am older than my wife with five or 10 years, I will look at her as a sister, or even a daughter, and when I’m dealing with her I will deal with her with that kind of understanding knowing our age difference. In fact, it is better for a man to senior the woman in the relationship so that both parties will be able to cope with their responsibilities.

I want to make it clear and loud that age matters in a relationship especially when the age gap is very wide. But we still find males who are moving with women who are older than them or even richer. But all is because of the economic situation whereby a female will rather spend on the poor male. But society seems to display a certain level of scorn towards a woman dating a much younger man.

shedrack O. Isaiah is a businessman residing in Television village, Kaduna: “it does not matter at all. I’ve seen an instance whereby a man was older than the woman with 20 years of age. And in another setting it was even the woman that was older than the man. They continued with their relationship until they finally took themselves to the altar.” He said people should wake up to the reality of life, and have a choice to make because this life is all about choice in general. “Of course, I can marry a woman older than me as far as she meets up with the demands and satisfaction I want from her,” he added. “Despite the fact that culture, norms and value system of some individuals tend to be a barrier as to whether age should matter in a relationship, I advise that they should still go for what they want. To some extent, the culture we practise can make us lose that which should belong to us and we no longer pray with fervent spirit to hear God speak to us concerning what we should do or not. Instead, we follow culture, norm or belief system that does not have any positive impact.

Speaking in the same vein, Aladi also of television village, a business lady says “I believe individuals have feelings just the way I do. Now, the issue of specifying a particular age in a relationship should not even be discussed as it’s more of choice an individual should embark on. I can’t as well see myself going out with a man that is very young compared to my age even if we are age-mates. I don’t think that will be a good one,” she added. “Despite the fact that love conquers all, I don’t think I should be intoxicated by love to the extent of compromising what I mentioned above. So, to some extent, age does matter in relationships even though we have differences that might be favourable to others. I can’t advise any of my girlfriends to go out with a man that is much older than her if she seeks my opinion. Except for those that are down with the concept of sugar daddy. In this case I can’t do or say otherwise as we all know what we want for ourselves.”

Also, Jumoke Onaolapo stated that “at first age cannot in any way matter in a relationship. I believe for any relationship the first thing you should look out for is love, the issue of age should not matter. As a lady, one should have choice because if I see the qualities I want in a man I wouldn’t mind. I prefer if the man should be older or younger provided he serves the qualities.” She further added: “I’m not saying I can not marry a man that is 20 years older than me but I can also marry or venture into a relationship with a man that is younger than me. Islamically, you can make a good relationship that will lead to marriage with a man that is older than you because it is allowed”.

However, she says lack of understanding most often about what is true love makes people to shy away from what should be theirs. My advice to individuals is that they should know what they want, they should take time in making decisions and should not give room for people’s opinion as that would make them lose what is meant for them.